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  • Stephanie Fuller

Sir Alan Austerity

A reaction to austerity measures in 2010


Sir Alan Austerity was having a Bad day at the factory. Calls for better working conditions had, of course, been Denied as per company policy. Unfortunately for Alan, this led to disgruntled Employees using their Fingernails to scrape away at the Gauche-painted portraits of him that were Hung around both the mechanical room and electrical room. Shallow and gaunt, his painted likeness now had no eye-balls. Inside the boiler room, the true revolution was beginning. Jennifer Justice and Karly Marks, leaders of the workers union were dismantling the pipes, Laying them down on the floor to spell out the Mantra: “Le capitalisme exploite. Et le capitalisme exploite les gens de couleur. Comme il exploite les hommes. Ou comme il exploite les femmes.” Alan’s anxiety meant that he had to swallow a lot, Not even his beta-blockers could stop his heart from racing. He ran to his Oval-shaped office at the top of the stairs, closed the door fiercely and typed in his panic code: ‘m-o-t-h-e-r-o-f-P-e-a-r-l’. It would only take a few seconds until the titanium gates to descend around him, promising to keep him safe. As he searched his body for a thumb to suck, the room began to shake and Quiver, resulting in the book from the Upper-most bookshelf to fall and land upon his head. Keeping his thumb, and now two-forefingers firmly in his mouth, he let out the Weaniest cry as he clambered to hold the fallen opus that had landed in such a way it had blinded him in one eye. The book’s cover displayed naked feathered chicks in bikinis, fast plastic trucks and the tallest lego tower ever built into the shape of a giant german sausage, through his one eye he read the title ‘ XXX – taX, eXploitation and eXcess change’. He could smell burning, he looked out of the tiny stained glass window of his safety-pod and saw that the workers had turned the plastic from the plastic room into an effigy of himself as a Youth. This high-density-polyethylene Alan was erected in just the right position so that it stood there looking at him through the red-stained glass. Eyes to Eye. But now Alan didn’t want to look anymore. That younger polythene Alan, with its high strength to density ratio, and corrosion resistant geomembranes was at its peak, its Zenith, its apex. Alan swallowed and felt the warmth of his tongue against his fingers, his whole fist now in his mouth. Unable to look at young Alan anymore, he placed the book down, took his other hand and plucked out his remaining eye.




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